Forgiveness and Repentance

Consider The Kairos Document (1985):

The Biblical teaching on reconciliation and forgiveness makes it quite clear that nobody can be forgiven and reconciled to God unless she or he repents of their sins. Nor are we expected to forgive the unrepentant sinner. When he or she repents we must be willing to forgive seventy times seven times but before that we are expected to preach repentance to those who sin against us or against anyone.

As Nicholas Wolterstorff observes, "The therapeutic tradition has caused a good deal of confusion on this point by denominating as forgiveness a process or activity ... that is a-social and a-moral." In other words, as used today, forgiveness is about the victim feeling better and fails to address the moral issues that caused the wrong.

Letting bygones be bygones may be the best that can be done when the wrongdoer refuses to repent but that's not the same as forgiveness.