Envying Isabelle Butker

I've waited until the kerfuffle about Harrison Butker's commencement speech has almost--but not quite--faded into the trash bin of the 24-hour news cycle to make an observation. Not about the whole address but some responses to the following remarks:

For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives. I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.

I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I’m on the stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation. I’m beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker.

Fairly anodyne for a commencement speech at a small Catholic college in the heartland. But apparently warranting febrile sputtering in the negative world of contemporary American secularism. From my Facebook feed:

You know who we HAVEN'T heard from? His wife. Shouldn't SHE be explaining to us how much SHE loves her trad-wife situation? Crickets? Silence says everything. [Apparently she's not an idiot.] 

Unfortunately, many white women feel protected by and comfortable in the patriarchy, so they go right along with it. Case in point: their support of Trump. [White women?]

I was wondering what her response is but honestly she's not really going to say anything against him or her privileged life. Even if she regrets not having a career. If they were thrust into poverty and she was forced into the workplace, their outlook would be different. [And you know this ... how?]

Apart from the borderline IQ typically displayed on social media, is there anything wrong about these comments? More specifically, is one of the seven capital vices on display? Oh, I don't know, perhaps envy? Drawing on the book by Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung, Glittering Vices: A New Look at the Seven Deadly Sins (2009), let's consider what exactly is envy.

Envy beginis when we perceive ourselves as an individual person. Envy then proceeds to consider oneself relative to another and culminates with a negative comparison. Negative, that is, of oneself. Envy targets the goods of another person that contribute to his (or her) worth, honor, standing, or status. While the envious may also desire an external object, it is primarily because that object represents the other's high standing.

For the envious, the bottom line is how they compare to others because that is how the envious measure their self-worth--relatively. The envious feel sorrow over another's success because it surpasses their own, highlighting not only one's deficiency in a particular area but also his self-perceived lack of worth. Envy is as much about envier's felt inferiority, revealed by comparison, as it is about any specific good the envious may lack.

Envy involves a sense of inferiority and is often first expereinced through feelings of offense at another's talents, successes, or good fortune. It is expressed in ill will, by attributing false motives to the actions of others, by fostering antagonism, and in scorn for another's success.

If the envious fail to undermine a rival, bitterness deepens, and the envious come even more to resent the other's success. Unchecked, envy can escalate into full-scale hatred. The envier comes to hate the other and her goods because of perceived damage to her own self-worth.

Envy sees the world as fundamentally antagonistic. Life unfolds in a me-versus-you framework where only one can have the good of high standing. In this zero-sum game, where the envious lack what they desire, a common reaction is to try to undermine their rival's success. And, if destroying the rival is not feasible, in the age of social media the envier can at least commiserate with others who share the same object of envy. In short, as Frederick Buechner observed, the envious desire that "everyone else [be] as unsuccessful as [they] are."

Of course, envy is not limited to the online world; it is deadly and unwell in all communities. Nor is envy a vice especially associated with women. Behind the scenes passive-aggressive behavior is found on both sides of the gender dichotomy. But to conclude, while we can see the vice of envy in the quoted comments, we must be on guard against envy in our own hearts.